Olaf's crush
by johnpatgillespie
Summary: While returning something to Elsa, Olaf sees something that he wishes he hadn't. Left with feelings of confusion and paranoia, Olaf recieves some advice from Anna about "the Birds and the Bees". Summary sucks, I know. Rated T just to be safe. Reviews will be appreciated. Thank you.
1. Accidents

Anna woke up from a brief 9 hours snooze, being blinded by the sun that came through the window of her bedroom. She put on her clothes, straightened and plaited her hair and slumped out of her bedroom, running to Elsa's bedroom to bid her sister good morning. After she accidentally dropped some water on the floor before knocking on the door, Anna was about to ask the same question she had been asking for every snowy day for the past 13 years(if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch the movie), but just stopped herself when she opened the door and saw that Elsa had been awake for even longer than she had. Elsa was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. Her eyes were closed and her hands were rested on her knees. She seemed to be comfortable and peaceful, Anna being happy that Elsa was no longer timid and afraid of her powers. She hated to wake her older sister, but Anna simply said "Elsa?", the latter not answering. Anna repeated herself, but Elsa remained where she was. Wondering what to do, Anna thought to herself, and suddenly thought "_ha ha, got it_". Running to her bedroom, she came back with two cymbals and crept up quietly to Elsa. She walked as gently as she could, trying not to creak the floor with her feet, and finally slammed the cymbals together, the massive vibrating echoing sounds waking up Elsa and blasting her off of the bed. Anna tried not to laugh as she bent over the bed where Elsa had fallen, the latter picking herself off the floor, still dizzy from the vibrations passing through her skull.

"Sorry about that, Elsa" Anna said as she hid the cymbals behind her back innocently, before adding "you were sitting up and sleeping for some reason, I didn't know what to do"

"I was doing this thing called meditating" Elsa said. "Olaf taught me how to do it. It's supposed to keep me calm and stop any stress from getting to me. I gotta admit though, it really calms me down. Brought my pulse down to one a minute."

"Wow, I could use something like that" Anna said. "I don't doubt that" Elsa said, causing them both to laugh. They walked downstairs together, finding Olaf as he sat on the freezer, saying "morning you two" as he stepped off. "Hey Olaf" Elsa said as she sat down, straightening her hair with a small blue comb before adding "thanks for the advice on the meditating by the way"

"You're very welcome Elsa" Olaf said politely, before Anna said "I would ask you to teach me that but uh, yeah it's kind of boring"

Elsa stood up from the table and said "well, I better get back upstairs and get dressed" before going back to her bedroom. Olaf noticed that she had left her comb on the table. He picked it up and said "oh. I better give this back to Elsa" as he went upstairs to find her. He walked up the stairs and went to her room, the door of which was shut. When suddenly he slipped on the puddle of water Anna had dropped earlier and grabbed the door handle to support himself, only to push the door open and land on the floor in the bedroom. Looking up from the floor he saw Elsa, but something was different about her. Maybe it was her hair, or her eye-liner, or maybe it was the fact that she was completely naked, her face being dropped with shock. Olaf was sure that if he could, he would most certainly be blushing by now, walking backwards saying "just came to give you your comb back" before leaving the comb on the floor and closing the door behind him. Olaf stood at the door silently, wondering about what he had just seen. Half of him didn't want to do it, but for some strange reason Olaf was tempted into peeking through the keyhole. He saw Elsa again, slightly more covered as she had pulled her dress over her nether regions, though her upper frontal area was still very much exposed. Olaf suddenly felt extremely unusual as he looked down to see that he was beginning to melt. Even his personal flurry wasn't stopping it. Olaf took his eyes away from the keyhole and walked away from the door, hiding behind a statue while Elsa, now fully clothed left her room. Olaf looked where she had gone and scratched at his chin nervously, before running off to find Sven to tell him about what happened.


	2. Therapy

"Sven! Sven! Where are you?" Olaf asked as he ran through the village in a panic. "Sven? Sven!"

"For the last time my name is Kristoff!" the ice-seller said as Olaf collided with his sled. Olaf picked himself up and said "not you! I mean the reindeer! Sven!" only for said reindeer to turn around. "Good! Can I talk to you for a sec?" Olaf said as he pulled Sven behind the wall, then saying "okay. Where do I start? Well, this morning I went to Elsa's room to give her the comb she left behind back and...well, what else can I say. I opened the door and she was just standing there. Naked. She was just there, staring at me. I don't even know why, but I was melting for some reason"

Sven walked over to the sled and came back with a small piece of paper in his mouth. Olaf looked at the sheet, it reading "Arendelle(is that how you spell it?) therapist. Confront your demons with help. Address: Stables, castle"

Olaf folded the sheet and said "this could help me a lot. Thanks Sven" before running off to the address. Knocking on the door, he said "hello? Is this the Arendelle therapist place?". While he waited, Olaf looked at the paper and realised there was something else written on the bottom. It read

_Princess(crossed out) Doctor annA, PhD, Psd y._

Olaf said "wait. What?" just as the door opened and Anna, wearing her hair in a ponytail and fake tortoise shell glasses, stepped out saying "and how can I he-oh, Olaf. It's you"

"Anna?"

"Anna? The princess? No, no, that's not me. I'm doctor annA, see on the sheet"

"I know it's you" Olaf said impatiently, Anna saying "oh come on. Not even Elsa should be smart enough to know it's me. I've written my name backwards! See"

"Well, that explains why the capital A is on the end"

After a brief argument about Anna's "secret identity" Olaf was finally sitting on a sofa while Anna held a notepad and pen. "So, where do we start? Childhood trauma? Abuse?" Anna asked, Olaf saying "no, it's about something that happened this morning actually" as Anna began writing in her notepad while he spoke.

"It all started when I went to see a girl. Let's call her...Asle."

"h-hm. Yeah, Asle. Got it" Anna answered as she continued to write.

"Okay, I opened the door by accident and there she was. Naked" Olaf continued, prompting Anna to say "oh, you sick pervert" jokingly.

"Yeah got it. So anyway, I shut the door and before I realize it, I'm melting whenever I think about El-I mean Asle"

"So, is Asle a human?" Anna asked.

"What? Uh" Olaf tried to think of an answer before saying "she's a snow-girl". Though Elsa was a human, her cryokinetic abilities made her a snow-girl as well in a way, thus allowing him to refer to her as that.

"Okay, well I'm not so sure about snowman anatomy but, have you talked to Asle about it?"

"Well no, I just came here from where it happened"

"Well, I guess the only thing to do is to talk to her about it"

"About what? What does she want to know about me melting around her?"

"Well, based on what you've told me I've reached a single conclusion. Olaf, you're in love"

"Love?"

"Yeah. So my remedy is this. You go find Asle now and talk to her about it. Who knows, maybe she feels the same way"

"Oh, I doubt that" Olaf said sternly as he left. Walking back up to Elsa's room, he said "Elsa? are you in there?"

"Who is it?" a voice said from the inside.

"It's Olaf"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you but I'm wearing clothes!" Elsa responded sarcastically. Olaf opened the door and came in, Elsa saying "you know if I wanted to I could banish you to the North Mountain for that! I'm sure Marshmallow would be more than happy to have a room-mate!"

"Elsa, I'm sorry, but I was just g-

"getting a gander at these, were you!?" Elsa snapped, pointing to her breasts. "Then you could run off and tell all your pigeon dancers how small they are!"

"Well, actually, they're not that sm...

"And I bet then why I was meditating with my eyes closed you were looking straight up there!(points to pelvis)"

"I don't have X-ray vision but hey, at least you got your comb back"

"And don't even think about coming in here while I'm sleeping. I don't want to wake up with your-you-yo-your snow semen all over my bed!"

"Okay, that's a little extreme isn't it, Elsa? I don't even think I can do...that"

"And I can't stress how lucky you are that there's nothing down there already!" Elsa said, grabbing an axe that belonged to her grandfather to showcase the threat that she was more than prepared to carry out. By now Olaf was sitting curled up into the corner scared out of his wits. It was only now that Elsa realised how harsh she was being on her friend. After all, she knew Olaf, and she knew that even if he was a bit naive, he wasn't a pervert. Looking down to the axe she was holding, Elsa suddenly stood back in shock and dropped it, the impact scaring Olaf into backing further into the corner. Elsa tried to calm him down saying "hey I'm...I'm sorry, Olaf. I was just frustrated and I just...overreacted, that's all"

"Why are you apologizing? I'm the peeping Olaf here"

"Olaf come on. It was just a big misunderstanding. Plus, it's not like I'm much to look at"

"What are you talking about, Elsa? You're beautiful"

"You really think so?" Elsa asked, blushing slightly. After all, Olaf was nice. Better than some other men(cough-Hans) out there. Elsa then sat next to Olaf and said "Olaf, how did you feel...seeing me?"

"Well, the same way I feel now. I feel, you know, happy but I'm sad, I'm hungry but I don't wanna eat, I'm tired but I can't sleep. It's almost as if I'm...I'm...

"Melting" Elsa finished, prompting them both to look at each other. Elsa suddenly felt a powerful urge ripping through her mind into her stomach. She felt as if she was going to vomit at any moment, and she was close to_letting it go_. She hoped that Olaf wouldn't give any inappropriate-yet-flattering comments, that way she'd be able to keep calm and not do anything crazy. But alas, Olaf just had to say "and, *let's just say you're closer to melons than pancakes" Suddenly she grabbed Olaf by the cheeks and pulled his face to her lips, Olaf saying "(muffled)hm-Fultha-vat-a-fu-boo-ing?"

Elsa then snapped out of her craze and said "(heavy exhaling) I'm sorry. I just..." before vomiting on the floor. When she finally stopped choking, she said "(sigh)Olaf, the truth is...I like you too"

"I know. We're good friends"

"No, I mean a little more than...like. I'm...attracted to you"

"(long pause) oh"

"You're not...upset?"

"What? No, no. I'm just a little...confused. I mean, attracted...to a snowman?"

"Well, love isn't all about looks, Olaf. You're nice, you make me laugh. And I've always loved snow" Elsa answered as she stroked the small twigs on Olaf's head that resembled hair. Olaf said "okay, I'm sorry for seeing you naked and enjoying it. Is that apology good enough?"

"It's...passable" Elsa answered with a smile on her face, before adding "I'll see you later Olaf" as she kissed him on the lips, Olaf saying "well, I should go now" as he ran from the room. Elsa closed her door and lay back on her bed, laughing slightly at this incident. Olaf felt his lips where Elsa had kissed him. Her lips smelt and tasted like chocolate when they kissed. "Perfect, now that that's out of the way, everything can go back to normal" Olaf thought as he went to find Sven, not knowing how wrong he would soon be.


	3. Ceiling

The next morning, Elsa sat on her bed thinking about the night before, when another knock came at her door, Elsa answering "who is it?"

"It's me, Anna"

"Oh yeah. Come on in. Sorry my room's such a mess. I didn't think you'd be coming" Elsa answered as Anna entered saying "oh, I'm never too busy to share a meal with my sister" as she sat at the small table. Anna then opened her basket and pulled out some bread and grapes. Filling two cups with water, she asked "How's it goin', sis?"

"Oh, I'm fine. What about you and your um...therapy, thing?"

"It's goin' great. I've helped so many people. Yesterday Kai told me that he wanted to propose to Gerda tonight, then we got a letter from the Southern Isles saying "sorry for the inconvenience". Oh yeah, and Olaf came by too"

"Really? Olaf needed therapy"

"Yeah. I mean I don't even know if and how snow-people have _you-know-what_ but turns out, Olaf has himself a little girlfriend"

"What?!" Elsa asked, accidentally knocking over an empty plant pot. Picking up the five broken pieces of terracotta from the floor, Elsa said "(sigh) but ho-it's just. I don't un-what's her name?"

"He told me her name was Asle, or something"

Elsa held back tears and said "well, I guess Asle is a really lucky girl!" as she walked out the room.

"Elsa, I can explain" Olaf said as he backed against a wall, Elsa turning red in the face as she shouted "you have a girlfriend, and you were perving on me! What do you think Asle would have to say about this?"

"Asle? Oh, you mean-

"Your girlfriend, yes! Anna told me everything!"

"Elsa, if you please calm down, then I'll explain. First off, say Asle backwards(these are instructions to the reader, as well)"

Elsa thought for a moment and said "wait. You mean-

"Yep"

"Oh my God. Olaf, I-I-I don't know what to say, I..." Elsa said as they looked each other in the eyes. After a long pause, they both went for a kiss at the same time. Olaf eventually felt Elsa's tongue in his mouth and split away, saying "well. That was...pleasant"

"Oh yeah. Yep. Very nice, then uh"

"Yep. I'm just gonna go now. I have some uh...snow-chores that I gotta do" Olaf said before darting off. Elsa watched where he went and sat back, a small smile on her face.

The next day, Olaf sat on the couch watching the hours tick by on the old grandfather clock. A voice said "hey Olaf" as Elsa sat next to him. Anna said "oh by the way, Olaf. I just wanna ask you about the whole Asle business"

"Oh, uh...yeah. She took it really well" Olaf answered as Elsa smiled at him. Olaf then said "well. I just remembered that Kristoff needs help with ice collecting today. I better go find him" as he went to the door, not before climbing on a tall chair and saying to Elsa "I'll see you later" as they kissed deeply. When they separated, they both turned to see Anna looking at them, a confused look on her face. To avert suspicions, Olaf pulled the chair over to her and climbed on it, saying "Anna" as he kissed her equally deeply, before leaving out the door. Anna felt her lips and said "wow. That snowman knows how to say goodbye, doesn't he?"

"Doesn't he just" Elsa said with bliss. Anna walked out saying "I gotta drink something hot, my lips are freezing now"

Once she had gone, Elsa felt her lips and said "hm. The cold never bothered me"

Later on, the castle doors opened and Kristoff and Sven came in. Elsa stood up and said "Kristoff. Where's Olaf?"

"Calm down. Calm down. He's here" Kristoff answered as he pulled out the snowman."Olaf. Oh my God. Honey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine, really" Olaf answered. When Elsa went back to her room and Olaf went out with Sven, Kristoff said "you know, Elsa's seemed a lot more protective of Olaf recently"

"No. If she was being protective, then she would have locked herself in her bedroom for thirteen years and have Olaf grow up without her. That is, at least, what she did to me"

"Anna. I think there might be something going on between those two"

Anna looked at Kristoff and suddenly burst into laughter. "Ha ha haa ha haa ha. Come on Kristoff, if they were doing that then Asle would be heartbroken. Plus, I don't even think that snowmen and people are...compatible? Mixable? Uh, have the same private parts?"

The next day, Olaf went to "Dr annA's office" to talk to her about his relationship with "Asle"

"So, how did she react when you told her?" Anna asked.

"Well, she took it pretty well. I think one day we might make it official" Olaf answered, Anna saying "well, I have some advice for you. If she proposes on a first date, say no. Or not yet, get to know her first. I figured that out the hard way. Also, keep the act of you-know-what away until way into the dating progress. And when you finally do do it, make sure you clean up afterwards. Cause you know, we don't want you leaving all your um...uh, ingredients all over the castle. Just to make sure you remember that last one, here. I'm giving you this bar of soap" as she handed the small object to him, winking as she said "don't drop it!"

Later that day, Olaf sat at a table when a voice said "hey, cutie" as Elsa sat next to him. "oh hey, Elsa. How you doing?"

"Well, much better now that you're here" Elsa answered flirtatiously as she kissed him. As their lips were locked, Anna said "hey Elsa"

"No I wasn't!" Elsa said quickly as she turned around, a fake smile on her face. "Ooooooooooookay then. Can I borrow this dress tonight?"

"My coronation dress?"

"Well yeah. You're not using it. Plus it's the only dress you have that doesn't have any cleavage. That and the one you're wearing right now. Oh actually, can I borrow that?"

"I'm not taking off my clothes in front of people, Anna"

"I wouldn't mind" Olaf said. "Come on Olaf. Think about Asle" Anna said sternly. Elsa then said "okay then. Just take the coronation dress. I don't care unless you're going to get splattered with pigs and pies again"

"Oh, that reminds me. Can I borrow your red shoes t-

"NO! No, God no. Not those shoes, they're new"

"But I ruined mine after the coronation when I went looking for you"

"Well, that's your fault. You shouldn't have pissed me off and tried to marry someone you just met"

"Okay fine. Maybe I'll have another pair somewhere" Anna answered as she went back upstairs. A few minutes later she came back downstairs wearing Elsa's green coronation dress and a pair of orange shoes saying "okay, found some. See you later, Elsa. Hey Olaf, tell Asle I said hi!" as she left to find Kristoff. Elsa saw the door closed and looked at Olaf saying "so...what should we do now" as her eye's motioned to the ceiling. Olaf looked up and said "oh that's a good idea"

"Is it? Oh, you naughty boy" Elsa said.

"I'll get a ladder and you get some paint" Olaf continued before he hurried off. Elsa wondered what he meant, before looking at the ceiling and seeing a crack in the plaster, laughing at Olaf's naivety.


	4. Asle

Anna walked up to the castle holding hands with Kristoff as she said "So. What do you think of it?"

"It's okay for one of your ideas. Better than climbing up a mountain with no rope" Kristoff answered as they went to the door. Before they could open it, they heard noises, and voices. She could hear Olaf say "oh yeah, I like this. We should make this a regular thing!"

Suddenly, they heard Elsa screaming loudly. Then they heard her voice, and Anna could hear her say "oh yes, Olaf. This is great. I feel fantastic after doing that. Come on, baby! Give it to me! Give it to me! Give it to-

Anna opened the door and saw an unusual sight. Elsa on top of a ladder holding the ceiling saying "give it to me, Olaf. I need that paint now"

"Here you go Elsa" Olaf answered as he handed her a bucket, Elsa grabbing a paintbrush and painting the ceiling a bright blue color. "There. Done" Elsa said when she was finished. "Maybe next week we'll do some plowing in the garden"

"Well, I'm pretty sure that hoe is all worn out" Olaf said.

"Flip it over then. You can use both sides"

"What are you two doing?" Anna asked with a WTF look on her face.

"Fixing the crack in the ceiling" Olaf answered. "All rightey then. Anyway, Olaf. Kristoff and I were just talking and we thought it would be great if you were introducing us to Asle anytime soon"

"Oh. Yeah, she doesn't like...people"

"Is she shy?"

"What? Oh yeah, yeah. She's...terribly bashful. She isn't really one for socializing"

"Well, what a contrast. You're lots of fun and she's no fun at all. You complete her then"

"Ha ha ha. (sigh) Got that right" Olaf said with a fake laugh.

"Why don't we have like one of those double date things, then" Anna suggested.

"(sigh) Fine"

"How about uh, the fjord tomorrow night"

"Sure sure" Olaf answered. When Anna and Kristoff left, Olaf said "well, I'm in trouble"

"Why did you even answer her?" Elsa asked.

"How can't you answer someone?"

"I used to do it all the time. You could have just said that she just can't do dates or something"

"Well, couldn't you just make another snow-girl and pretend she was Asle?"

"I don't know. Maybe I could, it's just...(sigh) I don't know"

"Come on Elsa. Give it a try at least. For the sake of our relationship"

"Okay...I'll give it a try. For us" Elsa said as she looked around to make sure no one was looking. She motioned her hands to make some snow and moulded it to create a small human shape. "Alright, that oughta do it" she said as she added some finishing touches. When the snowman, or rather snow-woman, came to life, she said "hey Olaf, where are we?"

"Wow. How do you know who I am?"

"Why wouldn't I know. Elsa built you, Elsa built Marshmallow, then Elsa built me. I'm Asle, your little sister"

"Little sis-well, this is pretty awkward" Elsa said. "Oh hey Elsa. Didn't see you there. Hey Olaf, I have a question. Do we like, call her Mom or like...Mama Elsa or something?"

"No. No. God no. See, Asle, honey. Let's just start this from the beginning"

_One description of the previous three chapters later..._

"Oh, so let's get this straight. You gave him life, but since he didn't come out of you-know-where, it's not incest?"

"Exactly. But see, Asle. Anna thinks that you're Olaf's girlfriend, despite the fact that you didn't even exist till fourteen minutes ago. So my idea is, that you two go on a double date with Anna and Kristoff, you leave a bad first impression, then Anna'll want Olaf to "break up with you", then we can find some way to break the truth to them slowly. How does that sound?"

"Um. I think I got it but, just in case, can you tell me the whole thing over again, I wasn't really listening"

The next night, Anna and Kristoff sat on a bench on the edge of the fjord, waiting for Olaf and his "date" to arrive. Just then, Anna said "hey look, there's Olaf. That must be Asle" as Olaf said "Anna. Kristoff. I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Asle"

"It's nice to meet you. I'm Anna, this is my boyfriend Kristoff. You know, you're a really lucky girl"

"Oh I know. Olaf is such a great guy" Asle said as she looked under the table at some cards with a script written on it. After a while, Anna asked "so, what was the big deal with Olaf seeing you naked, cause...well, you know...you don't wear clothes"

"Well, you gotta respect a woman's privacy, clothes or not, right?" Asle answered. "Of course obviously you don't believe in that"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, with that skimpy outfit on you look like Princess Annie of Slutsville"

"Okay, that's a little too far isn't it, carrot nose? Here, hold my stuff so before it gets messy!" Anna said as she took out her earings and passed them to Kristoff, who said "well, it's been a fantastic evening but I think it's time for me to hit the sack. (fake yawn) Wwwwweeeeelllll Anna. Looks like you need to get some sleep. You look sleepy"

"Oh come on. I'm not even tired. You know what would make me ready for bed, would be melting obnoxious snow-people on a campfire. Hey Asle, you in?"

"Oh well, that time already, huh. Asle dear, I think we should be getting back" Olaf stuttered as he tried to think of an excuse. "Yeah, let's go to my room where we'll...well...we'll do...what you do when you're dating"

Kristoff then said "yeah it's a little late. Come on Anna. I can see those bags under your eyes" only for the latter to say "Oh please. It's 9:30. Can I at least stick her carrot nose up her a-

"Yep, time to go" Olaf said. "Asle. Shall we leave these two turtledoves to whatever they're doing?"

"Sure. Better than spending time with this weirdo you call a princess. I think the other one's better" Asle said as they left. "I can't believe this. Who does she think she's talking to!" Anna said spitefully.

Back at the castle, Asle said "so, how was that?"

"Oh yeah, you played it perfectly. So, what's your price?" Elsa asked.

"Well, all I really want is my own soulmate. I've seen how you two are like, and I've seen Kristoff and the gingernut. I just wanna know how it feels" Asle answered.

"Aw, you need a little boyfriend, huh?" Elsa asked, before adding "or girl, if you're a you-know-what"

"Oh I'm straight. Straight as this twig" Asle answered as she pointed to her arm. "Oh good, good. Well, I'll see what I can do"

"Thanks Elsa. I know you're not actually, but you're a great mom" Asle said as she hugged Elsa's legs(being only just tall enough to reach that height). After Asle had gone to sleep, Elsa sat on her bed looking at the snow-girl sleeping in the corner. Olaf then came in and said "she asleep yet?"

"Yeah. Quiet down a little" Elsa answered. Olaf sat on the bed with her, looking at Asle saying "you know, if she wasn't my sister, then I'd definitely date her, wouldn't you?"

"Hm. Yeah" Elsa said with a smile on her face. "Olaf. I was thinking though"

"What?"

"Well, maybe we could just keep this a secret"

"Why?"

"Well, last time everybody found out about one of my secrets, I ended up being hunted down like an animal"

"What's your point?"

"Well, come on Olaf. Having snow and ice magic is unusual enough but...dating someone who isn't even my species, and doesn't even have a...

"Okay. Okay. I get the point! But, if we keep it secret from Anna, how's she gonna react when she finds out herself?"

"I don't know"

"Besides, it's not really dating, more like friends with benefits"

"Friends with benefits? Olaf, that means that two people aren't a couple and they just have sex. But we don't have sex. We're the opposite of friends with benefits"

"Yeah okay. But maybe we'll just break it to them slowly"

"After all. It's not really strings attached. It's just a little torrid love affair, that's all. Cause, you know, I'm Queen of Arendelle. I need an heir or something. Maybe one day you'll find a nice snowgirl and settle down"

"Yeah. But for now, let's just keep to our own. We'll have plenty of time for settling down in the future" Olaf said as they hugged. Their conversation then woke up Asle, who said "hey, can you guys keep it down over there? I'm trying to sleep"

**_Author's note: Hey readers. Thanks to all of you for your reviews. Also, what did you think of Asle? Do you think she should have a bigger role in later chapters? Any feedback will be appreciated. Thank you._**


	5. Conflict

"Morning Elsa" Asle said as she woke up and yawned. Elsa sat up and said "morning Asle"

Asle went to open the door, surprised to find Anna about to knock on the other side. "What are you doing here, Anna?"

"I could ask you the same thing?" Anna said in return. "I'm staying here with Elsa. See, there's my bed" Asle answered as she pointed to a small box of icecubes.

"Rriigghhtt. Anyway, you can't ask me that. I'm the princess. I live here! Now get outta here before I get out the snow plough" Anna snapped as Asle ran out. Elsa said "what's with all the tenseness around Asle"

"Had a double date with her last night. Look Elsa, I don't think she's right for Olaf. She called me Princess Annie of Slutsville last night" Anna answered, Elsa trying to hold in laughter at that last comment. "I say we do Olaf a little favour, don't you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, what if we give Olaf a letter from Asle saying something like, I don't know. I'm breaking up with you, or something"

"Anna, it's Olaf's choice. If he wants to be with me...I mean Asle, then we should let them be together"

Later on, Asle and Olaf were eating breakfast when Asle dropped one of her pancakes into the puddle of tabasco that Anna had spilt. "Oh, I'm such an idiot" Asle said as she picked it up, Olaf saying "oh it's okay, Asle. Here you go sis, have one of mine" as he put one of his on her plate.

"Sis? As in sister?" Kristoff asked as he entered. Olaf looked at Asle and said in a ghetto voice "oh yeah, peeps. As in, sister from anotha mista, you feel me, ma dude?"

"Right" Kristoff said as he heard Anna saying "look, I'm not the jerk here, Elsa. She is"

"Oh come on Anna. You're just overreacting" Elsa answered as they sat at the table. As Asle was putting her tabasco-dipped pancake in the bin, she then put it on a plate and came back in saying "here you go Anna. To make up for last night"

Anna looked at Elsa, who nodded as Anna said "oh, thanks Asle" while she picked up a fork and cut a piece. Asle then grabbed Olaf and Elsa saying "hey I need to show you two something" as Anna ate a piece of the pancake.

"What did you want to show us, Asle?"

"Nothing really. I just needed to get out of you know who's w-

"Wwwaaahhh!" Anna screamed as she ran in circles around the table with her mouth open and tongue hanging out shouting "Eltha! Eltha! Hep be!"

"Slow down Anna" Elsa said before Anna grabbed her sister's hand and squeezed it, Elsa's pain causing ice to come out and land in Anna's mouth. When she could finally talk again, Elsa looked at her hand and said "what were you doing?"

"I was just eating the pancake that Asle gave m..." Anna answered before looking at said snowman and saying "and she put God knows what in it!"

"Tabasco, actually" Asle corrected, Anna turning red with a furious look on her face. "Wow, she looks mad" Olaf said, Elsa saying "Olaf. I'm sure it's just one too many drops of toba-

"NO! I'm mad! And she better get outta here before I throw her in the oven!" Anna snapped, before Elsa held her back and said "Asle. Run!", prompting Asle to run upstairs in panic. Anna struggled to get out of her slightly stronger sister's grip, grunting and saying "come on Elsa. Don't be so soft! Let me at her!"

"Anna, you need to calm down, now!" Elsa said as they struggled. Anna finally pushed her sister off of her and ran up the stairs. Elsa picked herself up and grabbed a plate before following her. Opening the door to her bedroom, Elsa saw Anna cornering Asle with a snow shovel in her hands. "This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it hurts me!" Anna said as she readied to bring her weapon down, only for Elsa to hit over the head with the plate, the object shattering on impact as Anna fell to the floor unconscious. Elsa dropped the piece she was holding and said "it's okay Asle. Everything's fine. You're gonna be alright. Come here" as she knelt down to Asle's height, the latter hugging her "mother" tightly.

A few hours later after Anna had woken up and was sitting on the couch with a block of ice on her head where Elsa hit her, Asle was on the couch next to her with Olaf sat in the middle, Elsa saying "so, it's come to my attention that you two don't like each other"

"Oh really, I'm guessing her putting tabasco on my pancake and me trying to kill her didn't give anything away" Anna said sarcastically. "Anna please. We're trying to get you two to be civil with each other, and neither of you are helping"

"Oh my God, Elsa. Why can you never be on my side? Because of her my tongue is swollen and because of you I had a piece of china stuck in my head"

"It didn't even break your skin"

"I don't care! It still hurts"

"Does she always talk this much. Geez, no wonder you locked yourself away for 13 years. Better than hanging out here with her" Asle added.

"What?!"

"No, Asle. I was just keeping her safe then"

"And I'm guessing that's the same reason you wouldn't let her marry that guy from the Southern Isles, then"

"Well, Hans was a crazy-ass so that time Elsa was doing me a favor"

"Plus she just met him" Elsa added.

"Just to say, Elsa. Make sure you don't bless any marriage with her and that weird reindeer guy"

"Sven?" Olaf asked.

"No, she meant Kristoff. Plus, why shouldn't she bless it? How's that protecting me?"

"It's doing Kristoff a favor, that's for sure"

"Okay, Olaf. I'm gonna ask once, and I'm gonna ask nicely. Will you do me the honor of standing up and getting out of my fucking way so I can kill that snow-balled bi-

"So, is that how princesses talk here in Arendelle? Hm, it never mentioned that in the brochure"

"Brochu...does anything you say make sense!?"

"Sounds more like something one of those Florida whores would say"

"Did you just call me a Florida whore!" Anna snapped, even though she had no idea what Florida was.

"Well, it would suit you well. You know, young, clean, modest cup size. If you worked for Wandering Oaken then he'd turn a great profit renting you out"

"Hey Elsa, _will you help me hide a body_?" Anna sang sarcastically.

"Go away An-oh right. Anna, try to calm yourself down, okay. Try and think about something other than killing Asle"

"(sarcastic laugh) I'm calm. I'm totally calm. I don't need no meditation! I don't need no meth! I'm perfectly calm!"

"Okay Annie. Don't get your panties in a twist" Asle added, Anna exhaling slowly and picking up a kitchen knife saying "hey Asle, can you say hi to my Mom and Dad for me!" as she raised it in the sky. Suddenly, a blast of ice struck Anna's hand and knocked the knife out of her grasp. "What was that for?" Anna asked as she gripped her hand, Elsa standing up with a stern look on her face as she said "listen up, sis! If you threaten her, you threaten me! Now, I know she's a little annoying to you, but as far as I can care, that little blob of snow is like a daughter to me, and if you touch a snowflake on her head, then I will kick your ass so hard, your children's children will feel it!"

Elsa then snapped out of her craze and looked at Anna curled up in the corner with fear. Elsa calmed herself down and said "Anna, I'm sorry but I had to do that. Now, I suggest you try to get along with Asle and the same to you, Asle cause, (sigh) for once in my life the up's outnumber the downs. I have a great sister, and the best adopted daughter anyone could ask for, and I don't want everything going to hell like it always does. For once, I just want everything to be okay"

"(clears throat) Um, Elsa. I just wanna say something" Asle said as she stood off the seat and walked over to Anna, before adding "Anna. That tobasco-flavored pancake I gave you, I'm sorry for doing that. And I'm sorry for being such a pain in the ass at dinner last night"

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry Asle, for everything. For threatening to put your nose you-know-where and trying to kill you with a knife"

"And snow shovel"

"Yes, and snow shovel. Well, I'm sorry anyway" Anna said as they embraced. That night, Elsa smiled as Olaf said "well, that was sorted out pretty easily. You'll be a great mom Elsa"

"You really think so?"

"Of course. Look how you handled Anna and Asle today"

"hm. Maybe you're right. All I gotta do now is find someone to have kids with"

"Yeah. Well, guess I'll hit the sack. Goodnight Elsa"

"Night, Olaf" Elsa said as she went to bed, Olaf closing the door after saying "goodnight Asle", the latter answering "for God's sake. Can't a snow-girl get some peace and quiet around here!"


	6. Scotch

Elsa woke up the next day and stretched and yawned. She went out her room and saw Olaf waiting for her. She said "hey you. How long you been there?"

"Since an hour ago" Olaf answered as he stood up and handed her a small purple-petalled flower. "Aw, thanks Olaf. It's beautiful"

"Thanks. It's a foxgloves. A new shipment of them came from the Southern Isles this morning. Anyway, Elsa. I needed to ask you something"

"Okay"

"Are you busy tonight. Cause, well. I was thinking we could watch the sunset together on the North balcony"

"Wow. That sounds great"

"If you're not busy, that is"

"Oh it's fine. Cause, I was supposed to have dinner with Anna and Kristoff tonight but, you know, I didn't think I was doing that anyway"

"Well, I can help you think of an excuse"

A few minutes later, Elsa walked down the stairs and said to Anna "oh hey Anna. I need to do something so I can't have dinner with you and Kristoff tonight"

"Oh good. Cause Kristoff's working out a double shift tonight so...dinner was a no-go anyway"

"Oh okay. Maybe you and Asle could get to know each other"

"Sure. I'd love to get to know my quote-on-quote "niece"

Elsa then closed the door and saw Olaf, who asked "so what was the excuse?"

"I told her I had stuff to do. Plus, she says Kristoff needs to work tonight, so...we're all alone anyway"

"Great. But you know what, I forgot what we needed the excuse for in the first place" Olaf replied as Elsa said "maybe this should jog your memory" before she kissed him, Olaf then saying "oh, now I remember"

That night, Anna went into the kitchen where Asle was saying "hey, there's my favorite niece"

"I'm not your niece. According to Mo...Elsa, I'm like your niece"

"Look, Elsa told me that we should get to know each other so, any idea how to do girl-on-girl bonding time"

"You know, you'd think girl-on-girl bonding time would be more of Elsa's thing but no"

"Hm, yeah. Surprised I never thought of that"

"Do you drink, Anna?"

"Of course. You know, I read that you can go for 3 weeks without food but you can't go 3 days without water"

"I mean like, alcohol. Wine, whiskey"

"Oh, so it's funny. You know, I lived alone in a castle for three years after my parents died"

"So it took you that long to find out you owned 8000 salad plates, huh?"

"Was that how I'm supposed to spend 3 years. Counting dishes? Yeah, that's fun"

"Well, let me introduce you to my good friend Mr Scotch"

"Scotch huh? Well, Gerda's gonna be so proud of me. Okay, fill 'er up!" Anna said as Asle filled both their glasses. Asle then said "okay, on three. One, two, three!" before they both drank their drinks, Anna becoming weak with her glass only half-full(yeah, that's how I look at it). Asle noticed this and said "well, the king and queen raised a real lightweight"

"WAIT!" Anna said before she downed the glass in one. She was now barely able to keep both her eyes open as she said "come on. Gimme a refill" Asle answering "I'd be careful Anna. You know, they don't call alcohol the Kidney Killer for nothing"

"I'm fine. I'm fine" Anna said in an intoxicated voice. Meanwhile, Olaf and Elsa were sat on the balcony looking at the sun as it began to sink back behind the mountains. Olaf said "it's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah. And to think that Anna probably thinks that I'm meditating or something" Elsa laughed. Olaf then said "and I can't believe how lucky I am. I get to see two beautiful things in one place"

"Aw, come here you" Elsa said as she kissed him, Olaf being made dizzy enough to walk backwards and slip, falling off of the balcony screaming. Elsa watched where he had fallen, hearing his voice as he said "it's okay. This large pile of hay broke my fall!" before a voice said "hey, get outta here!" as Olaf jumped off the hay and ran off. After a brisk fifteen minutes of downing several glasses, Anna said "just sayin', though...why is Hans such an ass. I mean, I met his brothers after the trial but-but they're actually a pretty decent dozen. I met the second youngest one. He's about 24, little older than Hans. I think he'd be perfect for Elsa. You know, every...eve...everybody needs a soulmate. I've got Kr...Kris...Kristoff. You've got...what's his name...you've got Olaf an-

"And Olaf's got Elsa!" Asle said, her voice sounding even more drunk than Anna's. "Olaf's got El-(burps)-Elsa? We're drunker than I thought". Oliver...Olaf would never cheat o...on you. He's a good egg."

"Olaf's not my boyfriend. Did you actually think that?"

"Course he is. He told me"

"That was all a lie. Let's make this clear. Elsa made Olaf. Elsa made Marshmallow. And Elsa made me"

"What? So...so that means you...

"I'm Olaf's little sister. One big happy family"

"But this... This doesn't make any...any sense. How come Olaf saw you naked"

"That was Elsa. I didn't even exist till a couple days ago"

"Whoa whoa whoa wait. What?" Anna asked, still incredible confused at Asle's descriptions. It was only now that Asle realized what she was saying, before adding "well, it's been fun getting to know you, Aunt Anna bbbbuuuttttt..." as she grabbed a plate and hit her over the head with it. About an hour later, Anna woke up and said "(groan) what happened? I remember having a sip of Scotch, and then everything just blacked out after that"

"Welcome to your first hangover" Asle said from behind her. "I think you had one too many glasses, huh? Maybe when you're a little older you can try again"

"That actually sounds like a better idea" was Anna's response, before Elsa came in saying "hey you two. Nice to see you're not killing each other for once"

"(sarcastic laugh) Ha ha. You're so funny, Elsa" Anna said sarcastically. "Where have you been anyway?"

"Not getting drunk out of my wits, that's for sure"

"Oh let me guess. You were meditating again?"

"Uuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh...y-es. I was. Meditating, yeah"

"You okay, Elsa?"

"Oh yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I just need to get back to...what...ever it was...I was doing" Elsa said before walking out. Asle watched her leave and said "well, this was fun. We should do this again sometime"

"Sure. Sounds great(gags). But I think my stomach has other ideas!" Anna answered before running upstairs with her hand over her mouth. Elsa went out to see Olaf, asking "pretty steep fall there, honey. You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. I landed on some of that hay so, yeah. Soft landing"

"Well, I'm just glad you're safe" Elsa said as they kissed. "So, what was Asle doing to her Aunt this time"

"They were getting along great. Asle introduced Anna to a little thing called drinking. Just wish Asle hadn't gotten so drunk and almost given away our secret"

"What? So now Anna knows?"

"Well, not anymore. Turns out she had too many drinks and blacked out, with a little help from Asle" Elsa said.

"Oh, so we still have to break it to her"

"Yeah" Elsa answered, Olaf saying "oh. I just thought we wouldn't have to keep it secret anymore"

"Well, we're gonna tell her soon. I promise, sweety" Elsa said. "We just need to figure out how"

"Well, what's the point of telling her if we both know it's not going to last forever!" Olaf said frustratedly.

"What?"

"Look Elsa. I hate lying to people! I hate having to keep secrets and I don't like to betray people. We have to tell her, Elsa. Anna's gonna find out anyway, and when she does it's gonna get confrontational and confusing and when it's finally blown over we'll just find new people to date and all this has just gone to waste!"

"Is that what this is? A waste. No Olaf, you don't know what waste is. Waking up in the middle of the night to build snowmen indoors, that's a waste. Making your sister forget about your only talent and missing out on a great relationship with her, that's a waste. Once you've locked yourself away for thirteen years living in fear and trauma, once you know what it's like to have scars like these, then you'll know what a waste is!" Elsa snapped as she pulled up her sleeve, her bare arm being covered in small scars and scratches. Olaf said "Elsa, oh no. I'm sorry. I didn't know" Elsa saying "well...now you do. Now you know what waste is. But this...I won't let this be a waste. Whether it's one day or the rest of our lives, I won't let that die. You were my first kiss with a boy"

"And you were my first kiss ever" Olaf added. Elsa pulled her sleeve back down and smiled gently saying "(sigh) I'm sorry you had to see that, Olaf. Wow, we just had our first fight"

"Yeah. I guess before we tell Anna, we still need to settle into it ourselves first"

"Yeah. Right. Maybe we need to have a couple more dates. Couple more disagreements."

"Alright. Okay. Just a little longer. But Elsa, we can't keep running from this forever"

"Yeah" Elsa said, hugging Olaf and kissing him on the cheek. Walking back to her bedroom, Elsa thought about what Olaf said. She turned to her table, seeing the foxglove that Olaf had given her that morning, picking it up and saying "alright. Time to ask what fate wants" as she began to pick away the purple petals one by one, switching between saying "I tell her" or "I tell her not". Whichever decision she landed on the last petal, that would be her final choice.


	7. Anna finds out

"I tell her. I tell her not. I tell her. I tell her not" Elsa said as she picked her final five petals, picking out the last one as she said "I tell her". Looking as the last petal fell to the ground, Elsa said "(sigh) well. I guess I have to" as she walked out of her room to find Olaf. Before she left, Asle said "oh Elsa, can you do me a favor?"

"What is it, Asle?"

"Well, can you give me some snow? I need to use it for something"

"Oh yeah sure" Elsa answered as she waved her hands and threw a thick blanket of snow on the floor. Asle said "okay thanks" as she began to pick up bundles of it. Elsa smiled at Asle's actions and closed the door, going off to find Olaf.

"Olaf, are you in here?" she asked as she opened the door to the North balcony where Olaf was sitting, where he answered "oh hey. Just needed to say Elsa. I'm sorry about last night. I guess I just got a little pissed off an-

"No Olaf, you're right"

"What?"

"You're right. We're going to tell Anna. Today"

"Well, that's great Elsa. What's with the change of mind?"

"I had a little _flower_ of hope that she'd understand" Elsa answered as she showed him the bare foxglove. "Well, I'm glad to hear that" Olaf said happily.

Meanwhile, Anna came back from talking to Kristoff and found a drink of water she had poured out before she left. She'd been gone for over two hours, and so the water had gone warm. Anna tasted it and said "eww. I gotta find Elsa" as she went upstairs to find her sister. Elsa said to Olaf "I mean she has to understand. She's not the only one who needs love right"

"I know. No one wants to be alone" Olaf said, prompting Elsa to pull a seductive smile across her face, before she said "and Olaf. Since _we're_ alone" as she kissed him deeply. Anna opened Elsa's room, seeing Asle and saying "hey Asle. You seen Elsa anywhere? What are you doing?" as she saw Asle making something out of the snow Elsa had given her earlier. "Just(grunts) building something" Asle answered as she put one lump of snow on top of a larger lump. "Well, okay...any sign of Elsa, then?"

"I saw her about five minutes ago. I think she wanted to tell you about O...something"

"Tell me? Oh, I wonder what it could be?" Anna said as she went off to find Elsa. As she looked for her, Anna wondered why Elsa wanted to talk to her. "Maybe it's a surprise. But why would she wanna surprise me? Last time I surprised her she froze everything. And my birthday's not till next month, oohh, maybe it's an early present. (gasp) But what if it's bad news. What if Hans broke out of prison? What if Weselton declared war on Arendelle? What if our cousin Rapunzel's visiting again? Oh God no. I can't take another anymore of those boring stories. I'm still traumatized by listening to the one she told about that guy who likes unicorns. Whoa whoa whoa wait. What am I doing? I am overreacting_ big_ time. If I know Elsa then...well technically, I sorta know her. Sure I have no idea what her hobbies and interests are. Well, that's the troll's fault. Shoulda been a little more specific. Well, if I sorta know Elsa then she'll be planning something great for me to hear" Anna said as she opened the door to the North Balcony, quickly adding "Hva faen!?" as she saw Olaf and Elsa kissing.

Elsa turned around and said "oh hey, Anna. I needed to talk to you about something. And this is it"

"Y-yo-you a-an-and h-hi-him m-ma-mak-maki-makin-making o-out? W-wh-wha-what ab-abo-about A-as-asl-alse?" Anna stuttered as she turned to Olaf, who said "it's a little bit more complicated than that"

"You turned my sister into a side-ho?! I'll kill you!" Anna screamed in fury as she attacked the snowman, who jumped off of the bed and ran across the floor and table, Anna following him as she tripped over the bed-sheets and banged her knee on the table. Olaf ran out the door with Anna still pursuing him, only for the former to slam the door hard in her face. As Anna spun around dizzily in circles, she said "d-do y-yo-you wan-wanna build a sn-snowman?" before falling on her back, adding a small weak "ow" as she hit the floor.

Elsa asked "Anna, you okay? Can we just talk about this?", this prompting the latter to jump off her feet and say "I'm not talking to anyone until that snowman's hangin' over a lit fireplace!" as she kicked the door open and ran clumsily after Olaf. "Anna, please. You have to understand" Elsa begged as she followed her sister, Anna answering "you're not off the hook either. You're queen of Arendelle for two weeks and you're already hooking up with men like anyone's whore!"

Elsa completely lost control at hearing this and slapped Anna across the face, shouting "now listen to me! You can go gallivanting off with someone you just met. You can almost get us both killed. You can threaten my daughter and my boyfriend. But do not. Do not ever call me a whore, do you hear me An-ow" before Anna hit her back. Elsa felt her cheek and soon had Anna on her back while they rolled around slapping and pulling each other's hair. Olaf hid in Elsa's room and saw Asle, who said "hey Olaf. What are you doing?"

"We told Anna!"

"Wow, that's great. How did she react?"

"She's trying to kill me!" Olaf answered as he hid in a closet. Anna meanwhile, was still struggling with Elsa, who said "you need to control yourself!"

"Says the one who almost killed her own sister! Twice!" Anna responded. Elsa pulled Anna back by her hair and the latter returned the favor. "Yeah, well if you didn't try to marry someone you just met, I wouldn't have started the winter"

"Well if you hadn't shut me out for thirteen years, I'd know how to get to know someone!"

"Well, if you hadn't woken me up in the middle of the night to build a snowman then I wouldn't have almost killed you!" Elsa said. Anna, who hated to lose arguments with people(especially Elsa), kicked her sister in the shin and ran off to catch Olaf. Reaching Elsa's room, she poked her head through the door and said "Asle, have you seen Olaf anywhere?" Olaf silently waving his hands to mean "no! No! No!" Asle saying "uh...no. Why'd you ask?"

"Asle, I have to tell you something. Olaf is cheating on you...with Elsa"

Asle looked at her for a while, before bursting into laughter and saying "Anna, were you really hung over from last night?"

"Yeah. Why?" Anna asked before Elsa tackled her to the floor. After a brief struggle, Elsa finally pinned Anna down and said "okay, Anna. I'm offering you a deal. If I let you go now, then you need to calm down and we'll explain everything"

"What is there to explain? Asle was like a daughter to you and you betrayed her!"

"Betrayed? What in the name of Mother Gothel are you talking about!?"

"Olaf is Asle's boyfriend. Gives you no right to d-

"It's all a lie!" Elsa shouted, silencing everyone. "What do you mean it's all a lie" Anna asked as Elsa let her go. "Well, take a seat and some notes. This is where it gets complicated"

_One description of the previous six chapters later..._

"And that's how you found out" Elsa said as she finished the story. Anna was sitting in shock as she said "okay, I just have one question. Since Asle is your daughter"

"Kind of"

"Okay. If she's kind of your daughter, and Olaf is Asle's sister, then doesn't that make it incest?"

Asle answered this with "Not unless he came out of her va-

"Okay Asle. You've said enough" Olaf interrupted. "Anna, I'm not sure how you feel about this" Elsa said as she awaited a reaction. Anna said "well, to be honest, the only thing I feel right now is... I... am... so... HAPPY for you guys! Oh my God. My sister has a boyfriend! I can't believe this!" before she hugged both Elsa and Olaf. "And so do I" Asle said, prompting a "what?" from the others. "Well, sort of" Asle added as she pushed forward a small snowman she had made. "Everyone. I'd like to introduce you to my boyfriend, Adrien"

Anna whispered to Elsa "is this for real?" before Elsa said "um, Asle. He's not real"

"I know. But he's such a good listener though" Asle said as Sven came in and ate the carrot that "Adrien's" nose was made of. Asle then added "see, and he's so good with animals"

"Aw, isn't that cute" Elsa said, Anna saying "Kristoff's good at breaking the truth to people. You know, he helped explain to Olaf why bringing back summer would be a suicide mission without his flurry"

"Come on, Anna. She helped us break the truth to you, and all she asked for in return was her own little soulmate. And there he is"

"But he's not real, Elsa"

"And she knows that. We all need someone to talk to every once in a while"

"(sarcastic laugh) You obviously didn't. That's why you locked yourself away for thi-

"But look how happy she is"

"I was happy when Hans proposed, look how that turned out"

"Yeah, Hans wasn't an inanimate object, was he?"

"Ye-Well, no, I guess he wa-uuurrrggghhh!" Anna said as she stormed. She was a lot happier that Elsa finally had a boyfriend, and that Asle didn't feel lonely anymore, but she still hated to lose arguments with people.

**Author's note: Hey everybody. Sorry this isn't a new chapter. Just needed to let you know that I have writer's block currently and it may take me a while to continue this chapter. Feel free to give me suggestions for what you'd like to see next and I'll see what I can do. Thanks in advance,**

**johnpatgillespie. P.S. has anyone seen my Frozen rewrite, The Snow Queen. It's basically the film in an AU where Elsa ran away much earlier in life. If you do happen to read it, what did you think?**


	8. The Next Big Thing

Olaf was walking around when he saw Asle sitting on the couch with "Adrian"

"Hey Asle, have you seen Elsa anywhere?" Olaf asked.

"Oh, I think she's in her room" Asle answered as Olaf went to find her. Olaf went into Elsa's bedroom, where she was sitting on her bed. "What's happening, good lookin'?" he said flirtatiously.

Elsa was looking at some small claw marks on her arm and laughed as she answered "funny, just thinking back when Anna was trying to kill you. I didn't even feel it when any of these happened. I got a little scratch here, this cut on my waist's only just stopped bleeding. And well, I can't remember her biting me on my leg here"

"Wow, are you okay?"

"Oh, don't worry. If I could survive having a chandelier dropped on me then a little scratch won't hurt"

"Okay, it's just good to know you're okay" Olaf answered. Elsa looked around and realized that they were alone. She looked at Olaf and said "so Olaf, since we're alone" before she kissed him, Olaf eventually returning this, only for him to push her away and say "okay, okay, just give me a sec" as Elsa sighed in annoyance.

Anna was walking past the room when she heard shouting inside.

"Well, I'm sorry that I don't have any genitals. But who's fault is that?" Olaf shouted from across the hall. Elsa shouted back "Ugh. I am sick and tired of you always trying to delay the relationship. If I'm gonna have a boyfriend, then that boyfriend's gotta provide for me!"

"Provide for you? You're the freaking queen of Arendelle!"

"So being a queen means I can't get a little bit of satisfaction after I let my own sister call me a whore for you!" Elsa snapped as she walked out, Olaf "oh great. Go ahead then. Just run away when trouble comes in. That's you in a nutshell isn't it? Shutting out and running away. I can't believe this"

"Whoa guys. What's going on here?" Anna asked as she walked in.

"Oh, _her majesty_ wants her non-endowed boyfriend to somehow start providing for her!"

"Oh I see what's happening" Anna said as a smile came to her face. "Unsatisfied sex drive for the Snow Queen, isn't that right?"

"I don't know, probably"

"Definitely. 1. Your relationship seems fine. 2. You guys don't have sex. 3. She's committed to the relationship. 4. You're committed as well. And 5. She's 21 years old. Yep, all five signs of an unsatisfied sex drive"

"Well if she's the one who built me without a _you-know-what_ in the first place, then it's her fault!" Olaf said.

"Well, we didn't build you with one when we were kids, plus you know, Elsa didn't know that you were gonna open the door."

"Okay, it was your fault. You dropped the water and I wouldn't have slipped!"

"How does a snowman trip on water?"

"I don't know, it's magic logic, I guess!"

"Hey, don't shout at me. She's the one you're fighting with!"

"(sigh) I know. I'm sorry, okay" Olaf said as he calmed down. Anna said "look Olaf. I suggest you talk to her. Just sort it out"

"But how. She's just...being so difficult"

"Well then, give her what she wants!"

"How?" Olaf asked, before Anna passed him a carrot and said "use your imagination!"(yes, Man of Constant Sorrow, I read your review)

That night, Elsa sat in her room meditating. Olaf opened the door and said "Elsa, can we talk?"

"Oh, sure thing, Olaf" Elsa said as she woke up. Her face showed no scorn from their argument earlier that day, as Olaf sat on the bed and said "Elsa, I want to apologize"

"Oh...okay"

"Look, I'm sorry that I don't provide for you in the rel-

"Wait, Olaf, are you talking about today" Elsa asked.

"Well, yeah. You were upset about it, so I wanted to a-

"Olaf, I'm not upset about it. Well, maybe a little, but I'm not mad over it"

"You're not?"

"Of course not. I could never stay mad at you" Elsa said happily. Olaf said "oh, okay. Great" as he and Elsa hugged, Olaf saying "so Elsa"

"Yeah?"

"If we can't have sex, then what's the next big thing?" Olaf asked, a smile coming to her face as she said "oh, I think I know what the next best thing is"

_Two months later..._

Anna, Kristoff and Sven were in the Arendelle chapel as some trolls played the Bridal Chorus on a piano. Anna was dressed in the same dress she wore at Elsa's coronation, saying to a well-dressed Kristoff "wow, this has all happened so fast. It feels like just two months ago Olaf opened Elsa's door while she was naked"

"That was two months ago" Kristoff said. Elsa, dressed in a lily-colored dress, stood at the alter and looked at Olaf excitedly saying "I still can't believe we're doing this!"

"I know right" Olaf said, only to add "she's growing up so fast" as they looked at Asle sitting at the front of the alter with "Adrian", Pabbie reading a book and saying "do you, Asle, take Adrian here to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do" Alse said. "And do you, Adrian take Asle to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Since Adrian was simply a statue, Olaf used a candlestick to prod at his head to resemble nodding, Elsa saying "that means I do!" as Asle smiled innocently. "I now pronounce you... uh, snowman and snowwoman" Pabbie said awkwardly as the trolls cheered, Anna throwing petals and saying "hooray. What a happy...weird, couple!"

That night, as Anna was talking to Asle about her "nuptials", Elsa and Olaf sat on the balcony looking at the moon. "Well, Olaf. You know, two months ago we first got together"

"Boy, how time flies, huh?" Olaf said, before adding "Elsa, since we've been dating for two months now, I want to ask you something"

"Okay"

"Elsa. You are a beautiful, strong, independent woman. And you need a guy who can give you all the happiness you deserve" Olaf said, Anna, Kristoff and Asle entering at this point.

"What are you saying, Olaf"

"Elsa, this relationship is the greatest adventure I've ever had" Olaf added. "But the truth is, the adventure's only just begun. And I see a lot of adventure on the path ahead"

"Olaf, are you?" Anna asked as Olaf took Elsa's hand and got on one knee. Anna realized what Olaf was about to do, and she and Elsa were crying tears of joy with excitement. "Elsa of Arendelle"

"Yes Olaf?"

"Will you break up with me?" Olaf asked, Anna's smile becoming a confused face as she said "wait. What?"

But Elsa's smile remained on her face as she said "of course I will. I thought you'd never ask!" as they embraced. Anna looked at Kristoff and said "what's going on here?"

Olaf broke away from the hug and said "well, it's been fun, Elsa"

"Yeah, it has" Elsa answered back as they both smiled.

**Olaf:**_(narrating)_ Well, what did you expect, she was my first girlfriend. You know, you're always trying to get things to come out perfectly but it just doesn't. Interestingly enough, I uh..did run into Elsa again. It was just on the fjord outside of the palace. You know, she was with another guy, I was with another snow-girl, and she and I still have lunch together sometimes and..._(sigh)_ it's just great, you know, it's good still to think about old times with her. It's great to know that's she's still the terrific person that I fell in love with.

**Asle:**_(narrating)_ In case you're wondering this is kinda like the ending of a certain Woody Allen movie.

**Olaf:** Uh, Asle, Can I finish please.

**Asle:** Oh sure.

**Olaf:** Okay._ (narrating)_ and the reason that Elsa had to be the best relationship I had, was because we had something. It wasn't about kissing, or sex, it was just love. And she taught me how to love another person, and I know that what's she's taught me is gonna stay with me forever. And like they say, isn't love just a big kick in the head.

**Olaf: **_How lucky can one guy be_  
><em>I kissed her and she kissed me<em>  
><em>Like the fella once said,<em>  
><em>Ain't that a kick in the head?<em>

_The room was completely black_  
><em>I hugged her and she hugged back<em>  
><em>Like the sailor said, quote<em>  
><em>"Ain't that a hole in the boat"<em>

_My head keeps spinning_  
><em>I go to sleep and keep grinning<em>  
><em>If this is just the beginning,<em>  
><em>My life is gonna be beautiful<em>

_I've got sunshine enough to spread_  
><em>It's just like the fella said<em>  
><em>Tell me quick ain't love like a kick in the head?<em>

_Like the fella once said_  
><em>Ain't love like a kick in the head?<em>

_Like the sailor said, quote_  
><em>"Ain't that a hole in the boat?"<em>

_My head keeps spinning_  
><em>I go to sleep and keep grinning<em>  
><em>If this is just the beginning,<em>  
><em>My life is gonna be beautiful<em>

_She's telling me we'll be wed_  
><em>She's picked out a king size bed<em>  
><em>I couldn't feel any better or I'd be sick<em>  
><em>Tell me quick, oh, ain't love a kick?<em>  
><em>Tell me quick, ain't love a kick in the head?<em>

**THE END**

**Author's note: hello readers. So this is it then, the final chapter of Olaf's Crush. I'd just like to give some thanks to the following people:**

**Annabelle4.0**

**bridbrid**

**daniel. vasquez. 9461799**

**Esosreader**

**kaito kenshin**

**Loyaldeer**

**Princess410b**

**Fress**

**FrozenDaily**

**SailorCC**

**AkumuHoshi**

**FanGirlJen**

**Queen Elsa of the TARDIS**

**Shawn Raven**

**Athena of Wisdom**

**Man of Constant Sorrow**

**Abigail Sutton**

**jaden(guest)**

**Elsashipper**

**And last, but most definitely not least, Megalex Master.**

**Thank you all for your reviews and for favoriting and following this story. Sorry if the ending's a bit unexpected or anticlimatic, just leave your thoughts in the reviews. But I won't make any sequel just yet since I'm currently working on a Frozen rewrite called The Snow Queen, and I don't plan to do a sequel unless I get more than ten requests from you reviewers to do so. Feel free to read and review Snow Queen too. And if you want to, you can vote on my new poll. Who's the better snow-girl? Asle from this story, or Beatrix from The Snow Queen. Well, I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it and I hope the ending was as good as the rest of it.**

**Yours truly,**

**Johnpatgillespie.**


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